辛曉琪  需要愛情

 

辛曉琪  需要愛情

 

文/王亞玲

 

辛曉琪真的要好好地感謝狗仔隊,沉寂了一陣子,好不容易舉辦二十週年的演唱會,人紅連帶著桃花也跟著旺起來。
辛曉琪,甜蜜蜜地穿著迷你裙與年輕老外逛街被拍。
換句話說,狗仔還有興趣,表示其身價不墜,否則狗仔真的太閒;另外閉關練習期間,還挪空約會,也顯示兩人真的有好感。
 

辛曉琪情路坎坷,從成名曲<領悟>她兩行融化了眼影眼線的黑淚,便可窺探。
二十幾歲便與愛情長跑的初戀情人結婚,結果不到一年對方就出軌。
「啊!多麼痛的領悟,你曾是我的全部…」
我一聽到歌就起雞皮疙瘩,不是感動或是切身之痛,而是這歌聲是何等淒厲,彷彿把心剖開,
流著血唱出刺鳥死前的哀鳴。
 

辛曉琪說,以前每唱必哭,這曾是她人生的最痛。
「雖然如此,我對婚姻仍然有憧憬,我還是想結婚,我喜歡每天在家裡做菜,等老公回來。」
講這話時,辛曉琪眼尾都笑了起來,像個夢幻的小女孩。
 

我做了一個鬼臉,像巫婆般刺穿她綺麗的泡泡糖,瞧她之前交往,小她十五歲的男友,又是劈腿分手收場。
對於這各年輕老外,辛曉琪用慣有的小女生姿態,很神秘地說:「唉呦!本來有意思的,被拍也就沒了。」
戀愛中的女人,總是很容易被看穿的。

我發誓,採訪辛曉琪那天,我並沒有喝巫婆湯,雖然我對人的第六感奇準。
我們聊到他的感情挫折時,我突然一句:「我覺得妳比較適合外國人吧!」

 


*老外男友太完美
她小女孩的表情又驚又喜,然後再偷偷告訴我說,之前交往一外國人男友,沒有媒體知道,大家都祇知道小他十五歲的醫生男友。
 

「那個老外前男友的事業在海外,從事藝術工作,但遠距離的戀愛難維持,後來就和平分手,現在仍然是好朋友。我覺得處裡得非常棒,這件事讓我覺得我下個戀情應該會更好。」
 

「可是跟外國男友交往,有一點障礙,就是他一句中文都不會,我英文也不是挺棒的,但後來我發現我跟他交往後,英文真是大大進步。但我覺得這種交往,可能要在你偷閒之時,因為你工作很忙碌,這就變成你小小負擔。」

 

接著,請注意。她說:「所以我未來的理想人選,第一是老外,如果會中文,哦!那就太完美了。」他兩手相握,擺在胸口,像顆被融化的巧顆粒糖。
 

結果,最近被拍到的年輕老外律師Peter,長的帥、中文好、人體貼,完美先生出現了。
 

辛曉琪顯然隱藏了一個戀愛進行式。既然戀情曝光,再找她說明,她還是嬌羞撇清:「他只是朋友啦,我們認識一年多了,他為什麼會出席我在Harry Winston的鑽錶鑑賞會,事先我真的不知情。」但那天辛曉琪台上深情自彈自唱,Peter台下忘我聆賞,大家有目共睹。而且有關辛曉琪的新聞,Peter都會請同事念給他聽。

 

*嬌女失婚變堅強
進演藝圈二十年,唱過兩百首以上的情歌,她現在自己的歌已經不是含著淚的〈領悟〉,而是抿嘴偷笑的〈可愛的玫瑰花〉了。事實上,音樂科班出身的她,從小就是溫室裡的花朵,五個兄弟姊妹裡,她是老么,離她年紀最近的哥哥差九歲,老大甚至大他二十歲,在家人眼中她就是個掌上明珠。
 

她一直以為她的人生就是學鋼琴、唱聲樂;跟初戀情人結婚;然後繼續教琴教書、相夫教子。「我周遭的同學、朋友都是這樣,也沒什麼不好啊。」可惜大學畢業急結婚的辛曉琪,結婚不到一年,對方即外遇,傷透了她的心。
 

「那真是我人生中的黑暗期,你想想看,我從小就受寵愛,我們倆的感情也不錯,原以為婚姻就是這樣,沒想到竟是背判。我整個信心被打擊瓦解,同時懷疑是不是自己不好。但經歷這件事之後,我整個人變堅強了,我現在反而要感謝,它讓我變得非常積極努力和獨立自主。」
 

我問她:「多久才走出婚變的陰影?」她說:「其實也好一陣子。我很幸運,當時我有一個學生的家長是榮總的心理醫師,也剛從美國回來,我得到他很多的幫助,他讓我很快且很健康的走出來了。他曾經跟我說,有的病人類似我這樣情形,一輩子都走不出來。」
 

「我後來與福茂唱片簽約時,就已經是全新的自己了。但因為很不確定是否要走流行音樂這一行,我當時還是過的很痛苦,感情沒有依靠,人生沒有目標。『我很不快樂,因為我不知我的未來在哪裡?』我常常在日記本上這麼寫著。」直到與滾石唱片簽約,李宗盛根據他的故事寫下〈領悟〉之後,她才完全放下過去。

 

 


※背叛古典 當天后
辛曉琪的過去,除了感情還包括古典音樂。童年習鋼琴、小提琴,中學和大學七年主修鋼琴和聲樂,在她轉向朝流行音樂的路途邁進時,心理還是忐忑不安,多少師長學長等著看她背判古典的好戲。
 

「我的偶像是麥可傑克森,不管他做了什麼事,他都是我的最愛。」本來我以為她要說多明哥、帕華落帝之類的男高音,沒想到竟是這麼另類的答案。
 

「但剛開始的時候,真的很恐慌,古典的未來我很清楚,我的同學都差不多,出國進修,回國教書,不然就是當少奶奶。可是我很辛苦,選擇了另一條路,所以到了《領悟》《味道》等專輯後,我都不知我紅了,因為我每天都拼命跑通告,但每到一個地方,主持人都以某某天后稱呼我,我才心想,這樣應該算紅了吧!」
 

辛曉琪最常被歌迷譽為「療傷天后」,因為她自己先赤裸裸地重新面對「往事不堪回首」的過去,療傷自己也撫慰歌迷的情傷。

※用心談愛 不拒絕
「這段婚姻,後來有影響妳對感情的態度嗎?」我問。
 

「我現在對感情看得很透徹,遇到來電的男生還是很動心,我還是需要愛情,不會拒絕它,甚至蒙上灰塵,然後恐懼。我應該這樣說,當感情來的時候,我會很樂於的接受、享受,並且用心地經營,可是當愛沒有的時候,我也會很ENJOY一個人生活,沒有負擔,像現在一樣熱衷我的工作。我喜歡這樣,隨遇而安,不像我有些朋友,沒談感情會死。」
 

勇氣十足的她,在唱片市場景氣低迷的前幾年,她談了場相差十五歲的姊弟戀,整個人年輕且充滿活力,但最後又是對方劈腿分手。她開始自我檢討,以後談感情是否不該這麼任性,應該要理性些。
 

「怎麼樣的任性法?」我問。「就是明知不可為而為之。」她答。
 

「哎喲,像小我十五歲的男友,剛開始不覺得他小,後來卻感覺到都是我一直在照顧他,包括情緒啊、生活啊、什麼的,很累。我覺得,我接下來不應該這麼任性了,都年紀一把了,還像個小女生一樣,完全憑感覺行事,讓大家都替我捏一把冷汗。我還有一個更糟的就是,我把人性想的太好,所以明明知道對方騙妳,我還是會為對方找個好理由和藉口。」
 

 
 


※想當賢妻 盼好人
「所以我現在的防堵措施就是,交男友不行偷偷的交,先找朋友幫我看著,免得等到朋友知道了,就陷太深了。我這樣人是完全攤在外面的,如果對方是爛人,就會針對我的弱點,騙我欺負我。所以我就需要遇到一個好人。」
 

話雖然這麼說,外貌協會的辛曉琪還是挺愛帥哥的,好人再加上帥哥,難上加難,我巫婆的臉又再度出現。他還是那樣可愛小女孩的姿態和口頭禪說:「哎喲!像我的一些同學,畢業後嫁得好,老公好,環境好,當少奶奶到現在都很幸福。我常跟他們說,我真羨慕你們,我還是很想結婚,我喜歡每天在家做菜,等老公回來,相夫教子的。」
 

她又說了一次,還好他還沒等我回應,他自己就說:「結果他們全都說,別傻了,我們都很想要踏出去,妳還想要跨進來,你不要想的太美,每個階段有每個階段的煩惱,老公、小孩,你會煩死的。」
錢鍾書的《圍城》一書,早就說過婚姻本質了,談戀愛的辛曉琪,妳現在可是很多師奶羨慕的對象呢!
 

※離不開音樂
辛曉琪曾是百萬唱片銷售天后,面對這幾年偶像當道,唱片市場低落,問她是否曾想過離開流行音樂圈,重回古典音樂懷抱。
 

她說:「前幾年低潮期,有點意興闌珊,於是我有好多想法,一是出國讀書,完成畢業心願,從事音樂教育;二是學當馴狗師,或是狗美容師,我喜歡狗而且細心。結果,大陸演出陸續邀約,音樂劇《梁祝》也要赴大陸巡迴。命運耶,總是不讓妳離開這音樂圈。」
 

音樂是辛曉琪熟悉的路,我滿驚訝她會有當狗美容師的另類想法,看她總是把自己打扮得香噴噴且細緻美麗,我想最適合她挑戰的應該是高雅的貴賓犬吧!

 

【2006-06-29/ 壹週刊】

 

 

According to the writer, Winnie ought to thank the parapazzi.  After not being active for a while, she is finally holding her solo ticketed concert. Fame and love always come hand in hand.  Recently, the parapazzi saw her shopping with a young foreigner chap.  Wearing a mini-skirt that day, she looked especially sweet and so much in love.  It appears that both indeed are kind of interested in each other, since she should be busy getting herself ready for the concert, yet she had specially taken time off her hectic schedule for that date.

 

From Winnie's outburst of emotions in the music video of her golden ballad "Understanding", one can tell that Winnie had not had an easy time in her love life.

 

In her early twenties, she married her first-love whom she had been going out with for many years.  Just after less than a year after marriage, her husband then had an affair.  With this personal experience of hers, no wonder she sings the song with so much emotions overflowing, and she said, in the past, she never fail to cry whenever she sings this song, this was the greatest pain in her life.  Despite this, she said that she still looks forward to marriage and she still hopes to get married, she enjoys cooking at home, waiting for her husband to return home.  As she said this, even the corners of her eyes were smiling and she looks just like a dreamy little girl.

 

About the young foreigner chap, Winnie very mysteriously said, "Sigh ... even if indeed there was some interest, now that the parapazzi has put it on the media, there goes ....."

 

The writer thought it's easy to tell when a woman's in love.

 

When the writer told Winnie that she feels she is more suited for foreigners, Winnie appeared surprised and revealed to her secretly that she once had another foreigner boyfriend whom the media was not aware of.  "This foreigner ex-boyfriend whose career was based overseas and he involved in some arts and cultural work.  But keeping up with a long-distance relationship was not easy and we broke up amicably subsequently.  Now we are still very good friends.  I feel that this relationship was handled very excellently and this made me feel that my next relationship will be better."

 

However, there's always the slight language barrier in having a foreigner boyfriend, especially when he does not know Mandarin and her English is not exactly that strong.  But, she realised that her English improved tremendously after that.  Nevertheless, she feels that maintaining such a relationship is only possible when she has the time; it tend to become a little burdensome when her work becomes hectic.

 

As such, Winnie said that her ideal partner, should be a foreigner who knows Mandarin.

 

And ... Peter, the good-looking and young foreigner chap who was seen with her is not only one who is thoughtful, but he speaks good Mandarin too.  Mr. Perfect has appeared.

 

Even after their going-out together was being made known, Winnie still denied shyly, "He is just a friend, we have known each other for about a year.  I really did not know beforehand about him being present at Harry Winston's event."  Despite what she said, those present at the function bore witness to how engrossed he was in her while she was singing and playing the piano on the stage.  And, accordingly, his colleagues will read out all the news about her in the papers for him.

 

Through her years of singing, Winnie has about 200 songs of her own.  She no longer sings teary ballads like Understanding, on the contrast, her songs are cheery and light-hearted like "The Cute Rose". 

 

Winnie is the youngest amongst the 5 siblings at home and since young, she has been well-loved by her family.  The age gap between her and her elder brothers and sisters are pretty large where her eldest brother is twenty years her senior while the brother just before her is nine years older than her.

 

All along, Winnie has always thought that her life is just learning the piano, singing classical music, getting married with her first love, continue teaching piano and being a good wife and mother.  Afterall, this is how her classmates and friends are.  Little did she expect that her other half had an affair just shortly after their marriage and this hurt her through and through.

 

"That was really the darkest period of my life.  Can you just imagine, I have received so much love from my family since young and he and I got along pretty well, little did I expect that we ended up in his betrayal.  All my confidence was shattered and at the same time I kept thinking that I was lousy.  However, I became stronger after going through this experience and now on hindsight, I am thankful that it has made me into a very independent and hardworking person."

 

The writer asked Winnie how long did she take to walk out of the distress of her failed marriage.  She replied that it took her quite a while, but she was very lucky, for at that time, one of her piano students' father was a psychiatrist who had just returned from the States and was working in a renowned hospital in Taipei.  Through his professional help, she regained a healthy state of mind and walked out of her previous marriage.  The doctor ever told her that there are some people who never walked out for their entire life.

 

Subsequently when she signed her singing contract with Decca Records, she was already a brand-new person.  However at that time, she was not exactly sure if she ought to go into the pop music circle, it was a rather difficult time for her, not having a life partner to depend on and without a goal in life.  She recalled writing frequently in her diary,  "I am very unhappy because I do not know where my future lies in."

 

Later, she finally let go of her past after joining Rock Records where Jonathan Lee wrote for her the ballad "Understanding" based on her past experience.

 

Winnie's past, besides love life, also includes classical music.  She learned piano and violin since her childhood days and majored in piano and vocal music for seven years in the high school and the university.  When she decided to change track and go into pop music, she was full of apprehensions.  Many of her seniors and tutors in school did not think that she could make it.

 

"My idol's Michael Jackson and no matter what he has done, he is always my favourite."  The writer didn't expect to hear this from Winnie, for she thought that perhaps would name Tenors such as Domingo or Pavarotti as her idols.

 

"In the beginning, I was really very fearful.  I am very clear about what to expect if I were to stay in classical music, my classmates more or less go through the same experience of furthering their studies overseas then returning to Taiwan to teach music or they just get married to a good husband.  But I chose the other path and life wasn't easy.  I had to run around and went to many places to promote my albums.  Even after releasing the two hit albums "Understanding" and "Scent", I didn't realise that she had become so famous until everyone address her as "Diva“ wherever I went.  It was only then that it dawned upon me that I had made it."  Winnie shared.

 

"Did that marriage affected the your attitude towards relationships?"  The writer asked.

 

"I do not get paranoid about going out with another just because of that bad experience.  If I meet someone whom I can hit it off well with, I am open and willing to go into a relationship, enjoying it.  But I also enjoy being single and being focussed and zealous in my work, just like now.  I am able to take things as they come along, I am not the type who will feel like dying without a relationship.

 

Just a few years ago, she was seeing someone 15 years her junior and she too became younger and lively.  Nevertheless, that relationship ended when she found out that the other party was seeing another girl.  She began to self-evaluate if she should be more realistic in her love life and not to do what she knew she shouldn't be doing.

 

"In the beginning, I didn't feel that he was that young, until later when I started feeling that it's always me who is taking care of him, including his moods, his daily life and so on.  It was really tiring.  I feel that perhaps I ought to be more rationale and not just rely solely on feelings  Furthermore, I tend to believe more on the better side of a person, even when I know very well that the other party is lying, I will keep giving good excuses for him,"

 

"And so, as a precautionary measure, I always ask my friends to help me assess the suitor first.  I am quite an easy person to see through and it's always easy for someone to take advantage of my weakness.  As such, all it takes is for me to meet a good and honest person and everything will be fine."

 

Nevertheless, she still has a soft spot for good-looking guys.  Good character with good looks ... not easy to come by.  "After graduating from school, several of my classmates settled down and lived comfortably with their good husbands.  I often told them that I really envy them.  Despite everything, I still look forward to getting married, I enjoy staying at home and cooking and caring for my loved ones.  However, all of them told me not to be silly, how they wish they could get out of it and here I am trying to jump in.  They told me not to be too idealistic.  Every stage has its own problems and they had their own set of problems with their husbands and children."

 

Has Winnie ever thought of leaving the pop music circle and re-embracing classical music arena, since the record industry is really not making it and with so many young idols infesting the market?

 

"A few years ago I went through a trough and really didn't feel like continuing.  I began to have many ideas.  One, I thought of furthering my studies overseas to complete the dream I had when I graduated, after that to be engaged in teaching music.  Second, I thought of becoming a dog trainer or a dog  groomer since I love dogs and I am always very delicate towards them.  In the end, invitations to perform in China came one after another and the Musical "Butterfly Lovers" may even have a tour performance in China later.  It seems that it's really not that possible for me to leave the circle."

 

The surprised writer thought that if Winnie would become a dog groomer, it would be rather suitable for her to groom classy poodles, as Winnie always keeps herself so pretty and neat.

 

 

 

 

曉音琪緣  http://www.winniehsin.net