愛情永遠不敗  

 

 

愛情永遠不敗

 

文/溫麗琴

 

 

 

辛曉琪經過了《領悟》及《守候》之後,現在告訴大家說《我也會愛上別人的》。愛情,依然是這一次的主題。對辛曉琪來說,自己是永遠不敗的愛情勇士。

 

好多年前以後的現在,甚至連我自己都快要忘記那個少年時期的自己時,她以一身年輕耀眼的裝扮,勾起了我十七八歲時光的回想,那年第一次看到辛曉琪的自己。

 

依稀記得那個下午好熱好熱,太陽曬得讓人感覺鼻子有著無可言喻的乾,鼻孔熱得好像要流鼻血的感覺。(或者我的比喻有點的怪)我們都聚集在那間小鎮上新營業的報社辦事處。小鎮人家的日子本來就有點的平凡且無聊,一聽聞辛曉琪這位“大歌星”將會來到這裡,即使是不認識誰是辛曉琪的婦女小孩們,都覺得那個下午找到了一件非常有“意義”的事情。

 

我想,只是為難了辛曉琪。當她從那輛寳馬房車走下來時,一定被一大班村婦打扮還有一臉天真無邪小孩的臉孔嚇壞了吧!簡單的介紹之後,就馬不停蹄為已經排著隊的小歌迷們簽名拍照。成年後的自己在不小心想起那時的她會覺得有點的好笑,一種包含了憐憫及無奈的情緒。

 

而現在坐在城中都市化的卡拉OK廂房中,她當然不知道自己當年那趟小鎮宣傳之行的人群中其實站著年少的我。而我也沒說。

 

當年新聞宣傳文案中提到:辛曉琪 一位感情身受創傷失婚的女子。最近聽聞,她那段年齡距離15歲的姐弟戀結束了。而我的感覺是,她一直好像不被“幸福”所眷顧。但這又能代表什麼呢?不被“幸福”所眷顧並不代表她是不快樂的。

 

橙色雪紡布質耀眼的蝴蝶袖上衣就已經讓人感受到她今天的心情其實好得不得了。一件超短的黑色熱褲,一雙訂上綠色珠片的涼鞋,色調的衝突有著出乎意料之外的視覺效果。

 

 

 

 

她說自己這些日子一直在忙,忙著唱片的宣傳,忙著大陸市場的演唱,還參與梁祝音樂舞臺劇的演出。很忙,很忙

 

既然提起了舞臺劇,又提起了祝英台,令我感興趣的是,辛曉琪與祝英台之間,兩位完全處於不同時代背景的女性,表面上看去是沒有任何的牽連,但在某個程度上,兩人似乎有著重疊的人格。她說自己在個性上與祝英台有一點點的雷同,就是任性及反抗。“祝英台不拘于當時社會教條之下,所以反抗而殉情。我擁有一點這樣的叛逆,而這是隨著年齡的增長而變本加厲的。我自己覺得活得越老越天真浪漫,人也比較隨性。人生很短暫,生命也很脆弱,很多時候太勉強自己做不喜歡的事情,而如今活到現在這樣的年紀,勉強就已經不必要了,我可以為自己而活,所以不管工作或感情的,一定要以快樂為先,其他的,一律不要想太多。”

 

但是,這位一直在愛情路上停停走走,行走不順的女人,在談起愛情的課題時完全沒有失意惆悵及無奈。那個歌曲中悲情唱著《領悟》、《味道》及《女人何苦為難女人》的辛曉琪,好像不是眼前這一位辛曉琪。

 

她太燦爛太樂觀太豁達太好玩了。

 

愛情曾經讓她那麼的累過,但是,她說自己對愛情還有一大堆的憧憬,像一位小女孩般。最精彩的是,她還說自己還是不會排斥姐弟戀。“上次那位相距15歲,我想如果下次在10歲左右應該還好。我是不是不怕死?明知道是這樣還無頭無腦的沖著去。但水瓶座就是屬於這樣的冒險主義者啊!”

 

看她如此虔誠的期待一份愛情的到來,你當然不能說為什麼你活到這把年紀還那麼的天真,因為她已經把話說在前頭了 我就是那麼的期待及憧憬愛情。她說自己對愛情其實沒什麼特別的要求,只要覺得合得來就可以。“以前年輕的時候會對戀人列出長長的條件,比如身高一定要多少啦,外形要如何,工作要什麼性質,但是,當你踫到的時候卻完全不是那麼一回事,幾乎是沒有一樣符合自己的標準。我現在想想,這些規定還是算了,緣分到了自然就會踫到了。”

 

關於那些在愛情快要來臨的前奏細節,她在說起的時候還是顯得非常的興奮,迫不及待的要告訴你說兩個人的愛情在還沒真正開始發展的時候是讓一位女人感覺最幸福的一件事情。兩人互相猜測彼此的想法,曖昧的空氣在彼此間不停的竄動。

 

所以,愛情對辛曉琪來說最重要的不是結局,而是快樂。“我不希望有結局,因為我的結局都是不好的。”她自嘲地說著然後又大笑了起來。她從一次又一次的戀愛當中學習到如何讓自己更加的快樂,而不是陷在愛情的陷阱堙C所以,雖然以前辛曉琪對愛情的態度是兩個人在一起就一定要結婚,就一定要生小孩,但是現在現實讓她知道一切非想象中那般,非常的困難。

 

要沖重圍,只能盡量要求簡單,這樣人自然比較容易開心。她說:“要求得越多就越覺得很多東西沒有得到自己的標準。”

 

當然,辛曉琪讓人覺得有趣的並不是只有她的戀情而已,那太無聊了。

 

以一位專業音樂人的身份,她彈得一手非常好的鋼琴,又把興趣與事業結合起來。她正經的說著自己在這一方面是幸運的,因為在音樂面臨盜版及市場問題艱難時刻她還是可以繼續做著自己喜歡做的事情。就比如現在她被信任去主導自己專輯的造型,讓唱片封套中的自己更貼近真實的自己。看著她這套橙色雪紡上衣配搭熱褲,再在頸上佩戴一條金色的圓珠鏈子,一種熱帶風情洩漏無遺。比起很多你年前唱著《領悟》時期那套非常沉重的黑色禮服,她整個人確實是輕了許多。

 

辛曉琪的年紀可從她臉上笑時眼角牽起的皺紋看得出來。但是,如她所言般,她的心境是越活越年輕,旁人怎麼看怎麼想,這不是一件重要的事情。雖然後期所作的音樂好像都不能超越過被臺灣《誠品好讀》列入“史上No. 1絕妙好歌詞”的《領悟》,在“我以為我會哭/可是我沒有/我以為我會哭但是我沒有/我只是怔怔望著你的腳步/給你我最後的祝福/這何嘗不是一種領悟/讓我把自己看清楚/雖然無愛的痛苦將日日夜夜在我靈魂最深處/ …..”所打造出來的“療傷悲情”的形象,她現在極力讓自己的言談及形象擺脫歌曲的刻板印象。但是,當唱片一播,我又開始迷糊了起來,那位音調捉得很準確,歌聲高昂唱著苦情歌曲的辛曉琪,就是眼前這位如小女孩般笑著對生命作出勇往直前姿態的辛曉琪嗎?

 

事實確實如此,我們不能用辛曉琪所唱過的歌曲去把她定位。她現在最大的煩惱,也只不過要配合唱片宣傳而控制自己的食欲,積極的減肥。經過了感情淒風苦雨的巨大打擊,現在已沒有什麼是能夠把她擊敗的了。而她,以一顆虔誠的心,等待另一段美好感情的來到。

 

【2004-09/馬來西亞 V 雜誌

 

 


 

After <realization/ understanding> and <Standing by>, Winnie now wants to tell everyone, <I will also fall in love with another>.  For her new album, love continues to be the theme of her songs.  To Winnie, in the matters of the heart, she is just like a warrior, brave and courageous, one that cannot be defeated.

 It was years ago.  I vaguely recalled that it was a very warm afternoon.  When news that a star was coming to our small town was known, many gathered at the small office of the news agency branch of the town to wait for her.

I reckoned, she must be pretty taken aback by the plain-looking village women and innocent-looking children she faced the moment she got off her car.  After some simple introduction, she lost no time in signing autographies and taking photos with the people who had already been queueing up for the moment. 

Years later, as I sat in the modernized KTV room with Winnie, these almost-forgotten memories of my first encounter with her, came to mind again.  But, I never told her that I was one of those in the crowd then.  I remember, at that time, news release of her album then mentioned about her previous failed marriage.  Recently, I also heard about she recently ended another relationship.  Somehow, I feel that, Winnie does not seem to be very “blessed” in her love life.  But, well, does it matter anyway?  Not being blessed doesn’t mean that she is not happy.  From her bright and cheerful outfit alone, one can tell that she was in an extremely good mood that day. 

Winnie said she had been extremely busy these days, busy with promoting her new album, busy with performances in China, busy with her involvement in the Musical “Butterfly Lovers”.  Very very busy indeed.

Since she brought up the topic on Musical and mentioned the role she played in it, Zhu Ying Tai, the female lead, what greatly interest me is that despite Winnie and Ying Tai belong to different eras, and might appear unrelated, to certain extent, these two women actually share some commonalities.  Winnie shared, her character and Ying Tai’s character is quite similar in the sense that both of them can be rebellious and willful.  “Ying Tai rebelled against the rules of her society then and committed suicide in pursuit of love and her own will.  I have a little of this rebelliousness in me and it gets even stronger as time passes by.  Personally, I feel that the older I gets, the more care-free I get.  Life is short and fragile.  In the past I used to force myself to do things even if I don’t enjoy them.  Now I don’t see a need to force myself anymore.  I live for myself now, and so, in all that I do, be it work or relationships, my priority is to be happy and not to think too much.

Even though Winnie had not had a smooth time in her romances, but as she shares on the topic of love, one cannot sense any trace of frustrations nor sorrow nor sense of helplessness in her.  Really, the one before me now just doesn’t gel with the sorrowful Winnie whom sang the songs “Understanding”,”Scent”, “women shouldn’t be hard on women”.

This Winnie right before me now is simply too positive, too optimistic, too fun!

 

Love has once tired her out completely, nevertheless, she still have lots of yearnings for a good romance, just like a teenager.  The most brilliant of all, is that she is still open to another May-December relationship.  “The last chap is 15 years my junior, perhaps this time round, a 10-year gap should be just nice.  Am I simply too courageous?  Knowing well the challenges and yet still charging towards it. Well, people under the Aquarius sign are just adventurous!”

Seeing how devoutly she looks forward to her next romance, one can’t exactly ask her how she can remain so simple and unaffected as she had already declared upfront that her earnest yearning for romance.  According to her, she does not have any set ideas on the guy she is looking for, the important thing is that both can get along well.  “In the past, I have a long list of ideas on the one I look for, such as, he must be of certain height, he must have a certain appearance or he must e in certain professions.  But, later I begin to realize that when love clicks, all these just simply do not matter and in fact, typically, the one I meet does not even possess any single trait I had in mind.  So, now I just leave it to my lot in life.

Winnie got excited as she related that romance in its blossoming stage is most beautiful and can indeed make a woman experience the most happiness.  The sense of excitement and expectant climate with some guesses on both parties on how each feels about each other is simply thrilling. 

And thus, to Winnie, in romance, it is not the final outcome that matters anymore, more importantly, the relationship should be enjoyable and brings cheer.  She teased herself, “As my romances never kind of end well, so, I don’t wish to have any outcome.”  From her past experiences in this aspect of her life, Winnie has learnt how to keep herself happy and not get bogged down by things.  In the past, Winnie had always expected to get settled down and start family in her previous relationship, but now she finds that such are indeed challenges.

To break through, one has just got to keep things simple, in this way, one can be happier.  She said, “the more one expects, the more one finds that a lot of things cannot meet one’s expectations.”

Of course, it will simply be too boring if romance is the only thing in Winnie's life that is interesting.  This woman definitely has more than meets the eye.  As one who is professionally trained in music, Winnie plays the piano very well.  And indeed she finds that she is very blessed to be able to make her interest into her career.  Despite all the difficulties and challenges the music circle is having, she can continue to engage in the things she enjoy.  For example, in her latest album, she was even entrusted to decide on her own image for the album.  And so, she just chose to be herself!  And her bright and cheerful outfit as compared to the solemn black gown she was drabbing in previously, today's natural image is just great!

As she smiles, although one can tell from the wrinkles from the corner of her eyes that she has come a long way, but, just like she said, it is being young at heart that matters more. It really doesn’t matter how others think.  Although her renowned hit “Understanding” has brought her great success in her career, she now instead want to try to rid herself of that sorrowful image (because that is just not the real her).

However, as that song is being played again, I am confused once more, is that sorrowful Winnie the woman before me who is filled with so much child-like simplicity and yet great courage in facing life’s challenges?

The truth is, we cannot determine and understand Winnie by the songs she sang in the past.  After going through so much, nothing can be that daunting to her anymore.  The irony is, her greatest challenge now is maintaining her diet to keep herself in the most tiptop condition for her album promotion.  It’s just that simple now.  And meanwhile, she keeps her sincerity and looks forward to another great romance.