音樂、生活、「新」曉琪  

 

音樂、生活、「新」曉琪

文:胡慧嫚

 

歲月,有時候是很美的一件事。

蘋果在樹上由青澀逐漸轉為紅透;稚嫩的小樹長成一片幽靜墨綠的林蔭;或者,飄零的雪花積成千百年不溶,澄澈微藍的冰原…。

坐在電腦前,準備開始寫下這篇文字的時候,一幕幕和辛曉琪幾次接觸的印象,開始在腦海中慢慢流轉。然後忽然之間,關於歲月是件美麗的事的感覺,就清晰的在我的心堹B現…。

距離上一次見曉琪,已經是一年半以前的事了。而如今,同樣的通告、同樣的地點、同樣的流程和步驟,我卻在面前清楚的看到、感受到,一個截然不同的辛曉琪。

她顯得更平和、更放鬆,也更快樂。即使時間已經是半夜三點,即使連日來的疲憊已經累積到一個高點。然而她仍然顯得自在而愉悅。
問她原因。她說:「因為現在的我很清楚自己要的是什麼東西。因為我曾經在音樂媕Y得到的享受和喜悅又回來了!」

一個放鬆、舒緩的笑容在她的臉上綻放了開來。清楚、喜悅的眼神堣]全無茫然或疑慮。這樣美好的成長和改變,緣于過去長達十八個月的專輯製作過程中,她對於自己、對於音樂、對於生活、對於夢想等種種問題,勇敢而深刻的思索與尋找。

 

 

 

 


從最早進入福茂唱片,那個「比較單純、比較快樂、沒有負擔、就是做自己喜歡的音樂」的階段開始,到「領悟」之後,「開始有了很多的包袱」。很長的一段時間以來,辛曉琪一直面臨著某種矛盾和掙扎的心情。

外面的聲音不斷的跟她說:應該延續原來的風格,不應該唱得太淡,應該要濃烈一點…。可是她心媟Q做的,喜歡做的,卻是另一個不同的方向。「我不知道自己到底要怎麼做才是對的?也不知道究竟該選擇哪一條路?」她說。

於是覺得僵滯,覺得痛苦。一直到這兩年,她突然有了很深的體驗。
 

「我知道自己應該要改變。可是要怎麼變?怎麼樣才能夠很自然的在音樂上有所改變?」當這樣的問題在心中反復浮現的時候,她決定出發往自己沒去過的國度旅行。

沒有設定一定要有什麼偉大的結果,也沒有設定一定要有什麼收穫。然而,一些問題卻很自然的在過程中從心婺鶗X來問她自己。

我到底了不瞭解我自己?我到底是個什麼樣的人?我之前走了什麼樣的路?現在的我到了什麼階段?接下來我要怎麼走?

越問自己,和自己的心就越貼近,尋找已久的答案,竟然也就逐漸清楚的浮現了。

「其實我覺得有一句話說的真的很對,就是【最瞭解自己的還是自己】!就算是一個天王製作人,他能給你的幫助還是有限。他也是要來問你:曉琪你想講什麼?接下來要做什麼?

所以有時候我們也要自己負點責任,要用一點心由自己本身去出發、去思考自己到底是什麼樣的人?自己到底要什麼?」

透過這樣思索尋找,和自己貼近的過程,她對自己的方向和行動,突然清楚而且無懼了起來。曾經會在意的「市場是不是歡迎?」「歌迷能不能接受?」等問題,都不再是阻礙她往前走的絆腳石。

「我覺得我一定要有突破,一定要有不同的感覺,我才能夠在這一條音樂的路上繼續走下去。一方面,如果我一直走進大家所習慣的辛曉琪堶情A到最後我一定無路可走。另一方面,我自己也失去了最初做音樂時感受到的喜悅和自由。」
 

 


於是,她勇敢而無懼的往前跨步。

除了「療傷歌後」堥滬茼h愁善感的自己之外,她也決心要在自己的音樂堙A表現出那個很豁達、很開朗、甚至很三八、很瘋癲的多面向的辛曉琪。

不再害怕拋掉原有的包袱,儘管知道有可能要面對不滿意的銷售數字。因為「至少我在改變,我覺得很驕傲!」她說。

回首整個過程,曾經因為故意選擇了一些很不擅長的歌,而被製作人一針見血的批評:「你唱的一點感覺也沒有!」或者「你到底可不可以唱好啊?!」也曾經和製作人李宗盛一起感到沮喪和疑惑。因為「其實也可以花很短的時間去做一張很擅長、很有把握的東西,可是我卻不要。而現在我們堅持這樣的態度和執著度,到底對不對?值不值得?」在還無法看到結果的過程堙A心緒複雜翻攪。

儘管曾經挫折、曾經沮喪。然而走過之後,辛曉琪說自己只有踏實的喜悅。

「回想起來,我覺得很珍惜。因為不是每一次的製作過程都可以有這樣的時間和空間讓你去反省、學習、和成長。」

總是說自己是一個「音樂既生活」的人,辛曉琪這一回在音樂堜珧答熔`刻思索與蛻變,何嘗不是讓生活中的她,有了全然嶄新的成長和改變?

【1998年10月/ELLE 雜誌

 

 

 

Feeling a brand-new self, Winnie Hsin
 

Sometimes, some things just get better with time.

With time, the apple on the tree ripens into a crimson red, the young plant grows into a boulevard, and snow accumulates to transform into ice and over a period of years formed into a glacier.

While seated before the computer getting ready to write this article, I thought about my past few encounters with Winnie. Suddenly, this thing about some things getting better with time became very clear.

It has been about one and a half years since I last met Winnie. And now, the same work appointment, the same venue, the same process and procedure, but I saw and felt clearly an entirely different Winnie Hsin.

More at peace, more relaxed, also happier. Even though it was already three in the morning, despite a lack of rest for many consecutive days, Winnie appeared delighted and at rest.

Asked her why and she replied, "Because now I am very clear about what I want. Because the joy I used to derive from music has returned."

A relaxed smile radiated from her face. The look from her eyes, so certain, filled with gladness, absolutely not a single trace of doubt.

Such a beautiful change started from the 18-month long production period of her latest album "Every woman".  The process led her to reflect deeply and think hard on herself, her music, her life, and her dreams.

From the early days of her singing career in Decca Records when she went through a "more simple, happier, felt no burdens, just making the kind of music what she likes", till the days when she began to feel the burden of expectations arising from the success of her hit "Understanding", for a long while, Winnie has been experiencing a certain kind of struggle within.

External opinions were telling her to maintain her original genre of music, yet this is not what she enjoys doing. She shared, "I do not know what exactly is the right thing to do. I also do not know which route I should take."

Stuck. Agonizing.
 

 


Till these two years, a great realization dawned upon her.

"I know that I need to change. But how? How should I reflect these changes into my songs naturally?" When such questions kept coming back to her, she decided to go away to a place she's never been before.

Did not set for herself anything expectation to accomplish anything nor find a solution. Nevertheless, in those days while travelling, some questions came to her mind.

"Do I understand myself? What kind of person am I? What had I done in the past? How did I arrive at where I am today? At what stage am I in now? How should I move on next?"
 

The more she asked herself, the more she found that she began to understand herself better and the answers she had been seeking became more obvious.

"Actually, I find great truth in the phrase "One knows oneself best"! Even if you work with the best producer, he also needs to find out from you, what kind of songs you would like to sing? What messages would you like to relate through your songs. So, sometimes, we need to take some personal responsibility and put in more effort to reflect on ourselves to discover who we are and what we want."

Through such soul-searching, she was clearer on her future direction, how she wants to move on and she became fearless. Those concerns on the market response and fans' acceptance level are no longer stumbling blocks to the way ahead.

"I feel that, in order to continue in my singing career, I must have a breakthrough and be different from what I am currently known for. If I keep on being the Winnie whom everyone is familiar with, one day, I will find that I am not be able to go on. On the other hand, I will also lose my love for making music and the joy and freedom I used to experience in it."
 

And so, Winnie stride on boldly with great confidence.

Besides the melancholic Winnie whom she is commonly known to be, Winnie is also determined to bring out in her songs the other aspects of her character - playful, happy-go-lucky and even bizarre!

Despite knowing that this is a difficult path and she may have to face unfavourable dipping record sales, Winnie is no longer afraid. "At least I am changing, and I feel proud about it!" She said.

Winnie looked back and shared on the entire process of working on her new album.  Because she and Jonathan Lee (her producer) wanted to be different, they purposely chose certain genres of music which she may not be very proficient in.  As a result, at times, she was being critised straight in the face by the other producers. She went through a hard time, was very discouraging and felt uncertain. "Actually, we could have stuck to the kind of style I am good in, we could have worked on something we are more familiar and confident in, but those are not what I wanted. Had we been right in our persistence? Is it going to be worthwhile?" Before the result is known, it’s really a bag of mixed feelings.

Although beaten, went through a tough path and felt so dispirited, nevertheless, having gone through it, Winnie only feels a definite sense of delightfulness.

"As I think about it now, I cherished this experience. Afterall, it is not possible to have so much time and great freedom each time to make an album. Through it one can reflect, learn and grow through the process."

For one whose motto is "Life is music", the soul-searching experience that she went through in making her new album must have transformed her life too.

 

【ELLE Taipei October 1998 Issue】